Battle Royal at the Crown Royal

Status: Fluff

All Certified Public Accountants are required to have 80 hours of Continuing  Professional Education (CPE) every two years.  With my firm being very invested in government audits, I tend to take a lot of government CPE. Now I know that these classes might sound incredibly exciting, but let me assure you that they are not. I had to take one of these classes last week, “Government Auditing: putting it all together”. I know, you’re jealous, but please, let me continue. This lively event was held at the Crown Royal Hotel in Lake Oswego Oregon.

I started off the conference well, my veins full of caffeine and complimentary pastries. But as time lapsed, so did my concentration. I have a theory that as we become more relaxed in public settings where we’re supposed to pay attention (be it class, church, or a government auditing conference) we tend to fall into reoccurring fantasies. I know that’s how it is for me. What is my fantasy you ask? I wish I could tell you it was sitting on a beach sipping mai tai’s with Sandra Bullock (I know, she’s old but she still has it going on). Nope, my fantasy is a zombie apocalypse.

I start by thinking, “if my neighbor suddenly turns into a flesh eating monster, how would I get to an exit?” I then start wondering what weapons I could use (pens, chairs, and government auditing manuals), and usually finish with what route I would take to get out of town, and what survivors, if any, I would take with me.

I have constructed this crude drawing as a visual interpretation:

Why do I have this fantasy? I’m not quite sure, but I guess I can blame movies and video games like everyone else. Still, at least I’ll be well prepared if a zombie apocalypse does happen.  Especially since I go to accounting conferences.  50+, balding, and overweight Zombies aren’t the most intimidating monsters in the world. I’d be screwed if I was a policeman or a firefighter.

What about you? let me know what your fantasies are in these situations.